Ever hear of writers envy? It is what you get when you sit at home watching far too many episods of 30 Rock on Netflix and read the freaking hilarious blogs of other great friends like the marvelous witty Laura Roland, who never fails to make me laugh, or the ponderous magnificence of Julie Wisdom, who provides depth (Though usually on women’s topics, but thanks to my man breasts and my great emotional sensitivity, I am an honorary woman.) and mope because you are creating nearly nothing. Instead you waste your wit and wisdom on facebook posts (where your readership far exceeds your blog.) and you realize you have been patting yourself on the back for microseconds of genius ( i.e A response to this post – “Asses in my face” with – “There I go again! Doing handstands in my kilt!” ) While your back is getting soar from the only place you can reach patting yourself for your lame one-offs, and you are still going broke from the repeated familiar refrain “I am underemployed” which works really horribly as any kind of soothing mantra.
IT is the reason for this horribly reasoned blog today. I demand to write something that I hope is reasonably funny, and post it where no one will ever read it, That last sentence also works horribly as a mantra. I have a lot of bad mantras that I have been using to ill effect lately.
“I am going to get that umbilical hernia fixed soon!”
“Three Dollar wines! Why didn’t I discover these before?”
“Sure I need more guitar picks, but that is really what they make those bread bag closers for!”
“3rd Day coffee grinds are really nuttier in flavor, and taste a lot more like Starbucks!”
“I know exactly how many street accessible orange trees there are in the neighborhood from which to farm my OJ supplies!”
“Maybe these ramen noodles will taste like sushi if I keep them in the fridge next to my roommates Salmon”
“Maybe these fish sticks will taste like sushi if I eat them cold with wasabi (which in this case is merely horseradish with green food color)
“La Puente is the new Beverly Hills!”
Enough? I thought so.
In truth, I have some very large plans that so far are coming together like North and South Korea. The South would be my sure plans to do a voice over demo (finally!) and the North being my inability to acquire work enough to pay all my bills in a timely manner, and even come up with the cash for the production of this demo. It is maddening, but I have not given up. Sadly embargos are what the North has unleashed on me. The blockade seems to be stopping my resume and marvelously well written cover letters from getting to any eyes that care.
In all of this there are very bright points. I feel that a muse has returned to light the lamp of my figurative writing table, as my fingers type madly in their dyslexic style causing little red squiggly lines to appear all over the Word document wherein I do my first draft of these things. That muse is in the form of an old high school crush. I have added 115 lbs to my weight since then, and she seems to have eyes like fun house mirrors, because she still sees the old Joe. I have no idea how those fun house mirrors react to the baldness. She lives far away, which tempers us greatly, as I repeat the new mantra “Go slow, don’t talk about the toe cheese… Damn! Too late” But she is ever so much the same gal from way back then Incessantly positive, caring and loving, and a follower of my God and Savior (No, not Jack Bauer, although I do believe in Jack, but I digress)I do love her with all the nuggets of amazing that hid themselves away deep in my gray matter for all these years, ,and for the newly stewed and simmering realizations of the reality of those memories. I am looking forward to the exploration of this new found beauty.
There are hopes, and very real possibilities for so much good in all of this. I believe that I have what it takes to succeed, and that I have something good to share. I will be doing all I can to make the dreams a reality, and the rest is in God’s hands. Better yet, it is ALL in His hands. IF you don’t believe in God, please go pat your back with your fellow atheists in some other blog. I will delete all attempts at making this a debate on that subject. Which will lead me to my final and only enforced mantra for this blog, “Master debaters can lubricate their dialectic prowess elsewhere”
Now, my hunt Is for a new mantra. I got the first half in this oft repeated thought “God is good, all the time.” May I go on to see it, and be it, as I realize the beauty that already fills this vessel and wants to express itself.
Well, I think it is time for me to go have at some “Sushi” Anybody want some?